Refugee Effigy Punch-Drunk in Bludgeon Pub

                                      (Taken from The Evening Lies 07/07/2017 by reporter Todd Flesk)

Proud pub landlord Ronan Colreavy spoke yesterday of his delight at an effigy of a refugee he has displayed in his bar The Wife Beater in Bludgeon city centre.

“The reaction has been fantastic, my regulars love it and it’s great for business,” gushed Ronan, licking his lips and showing euro signs in his eyes.

The idea was hit upon by a few of ‘The Lads’, as the pub regulars are known. They had been drinking all day, after an important Premiership morning clash, when Dano Scutts (a drinker at The Wife Beater for over 20 years) got onto the subject of refugees. He said he was sick of seeing blacks all over the place and that they had ruined whole streets with their stinking shops. Jimbo Rancid, a stalwart patron of The Wife, stated that he was starting to hit his missus even harder in the evenings because of the influx. It was “wreckin’ his head”. They all agreed that the city was being overrun.

To alleviate their tension over these events, it was decided to make an effigy of an impoverished refugee and display it in the pub for all to beat. Beating being the name of the game down The Wife Beater.

By dint of a little creativity by ‘The Lads’, with some boot polish, cushions and the clothes of a homeless man that they attacked in a nearby laneway, Bongo-Bongo the refugee effigy was born.

“It's been great sport altogether," according to Mr Colreavey. "So spur of the moment. Other customers are just looking on, laughing and buzzing at the antics.”

Landlord Ronan elaborated:

“Now ‘The Lads’ can take their hatred against refugees out on Bongo-Bongo. I’ve displayed him in a corner of the bar and it’s quite a common sight to see one of my customers having a go punching and kicking the effigy. The Wife Beater has always had a violent ethos but now the violence is being directed towards refugees as well as women. And, like I said, it’s great for business. Word of mouth has brought newcomers flocking to the bar to land a few blows on Bongo-Bongo. As a result of which my profits are soaring so naturally I’m delighted!”

Our photographer attempted to take a picture of a Wife Beater punter letting off steam at the effigy but was punched and kicked for their efforts.

We regret we cannot let our readers see this amazing manifestation of the newly evolved multicultural Bludgeon.

©Brian Ahern 2019